It’s
Saturday morning, 7am. My body
does what it does every day at 7am which is to become aware that we’ve already
been awake for 45 minutes, and my mind has begun to solve things though I’m
only 20% conscious. I’m like a
trauma survivor coming out of a coma after a car wreck, still having a
conversation from the day before.
“Which route is best to take: the canyon or the highway?” “Did I
transfer those funds?” “Damn it, the house is filthy.” “Did I call Jen back?” “What are we gonna do today?” We’ve both been working, and busy, and
not relaxing together. So now is the time. We must find something to do
that will be both bonding and
relaxing, and just for a tad more pressure, let’s make sure it’s fun!! It’s 7:02, and I have completely sucked
all the life out of the day with pressure and expectation about how we have to
do x,y, and z. OK, let’s start
again. My fiancé’s eyes aren’t
even open yet,
so there’s a good chance that there’s nothing to do yet. Maybe instead of starting the day with the running to do
list, we could start the day in bed, together, exactly as we are
now. Now this is what I love about
love…
From
here, we make much better decisions.
We feel close and connected and anything we plan to do from this state
will likely lead to greater satisfaction than if I’d been planning our day from
underneath my swell of morning anxiety.
As we talk about the day ahead, we have completely different ideas about
what we want to do, but it’s ok, cuz we’re feelin’ good and in love. We can conquer anything. Instead of fighting about whose plan is
superior, and instead of compromising like adults, we turn left: Let’s just put
all our little plans and ideas about our day onto paper and into a hat. Our first ever “Choose Your Own
Adventure” Saturday. We agreed
upon the number of ideas we each got to submit. It was 8am, so we each got 8
votes to cast. It made sense at
the time. From the 16 offerings in
the hat, we pulled 5. Thus began
our day of “driving up the coast to Santa Barbara,” “listening to live music,”
“havin’ sexy time,” “seeing family,” and “walking around,” not in that
order. It was bliss. If it had been solely up to us, without
the merciful god of whim on our side, our Saturday would’ve been filled with
laundry, grocery shopping, sleeping, being annoyed we weren’t doing more, and
feeling generally quite irritated with ourselves and each other for ruining the
day. Instead, we laughed a lot. We fell in love a little more.
I’m
not suggesting that this recipe of live music and walking around is
prescriptive or right for everyone.
It may not even be right for us on a different day. What worked, as far as I can tell, was
that we were both able to let go a little. Let go of our anxiety.
Let go of being right or getting our way. Let go of our routines and responsibilities, and surrender
to the gods of love, all of whom, I’m pretty sure, want us to be happy,
lighter, free. You know, the way
it feels to fall in love.
