Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Weekend Romance/Adventure

           It’s Saturday morning, 7am.  My body does what it does every day at 7am which is to become aware that we’ve already been awake for 45 minutes, and my mind has begun to solve things though I’m only 20% conscious.  I’m like a trauma survivor coming out of a coma after a car wreck, still having a conversation from the day before.  “Which route is best to take: the canyon or the highway?” “Did I transfer those funds?” “Damn it, the house is filthy.”  “Did I call Jen back?”  “What are we gonna do today?”  We’ve both been working, and busy, and not relaxing together. So now is the time. We must find something to do that will be both bonding and relaxing, and just for a tad more pressure, let’s make sure it’s fun!!  It’s 7:02, and I have completely sucked all the life out of the day with pressure and expectation about how we have to do x,y, and z.  OK, let’s start again.  My fiancĂ©’s eyes aren’t even open yet, so there’s a good chance that there’s nothing to do yet.  Maybe instead of starting the day with the running to do list, we could start the day in bed, together, exactly as we are now.  Now this is what I love about love…

            From here, we make much better decisions.  We feel close and connected and anything we plan to do from this state will likely lead to greater satisfaction than if I’d been planning our day from underneath my swell of morning anxiety.  As we talk about the day ahead, we have completely different ideas about what we want to do, but it’s ok, cuz we’re feelin’ good and in love.  We can conquer anything.  Instead of fighting about whose plan is superior, and instead of compromising like adults, we turn left: Let’s just put all our little plans and ideas about our day onto paper and into a hat.  Our first ever “Choose Your Own Adventure” Saturday.  We agreed upon the number of ideas we each got to submit. It was 8am, so we each got 8 votes to cast.  It made sense at the time.  From the 16 offerings in the hat, we pulled 5.  Thus began our day of “driving up the coast to Santa Barbara,” “listening to live music,” “havin’ sexy time,” “seeing family,” and “walking around,” not in that order.  It was bliss.  If it had been solely up to us, without the merciful god of whim on our side, our Saturday would’ve been filled with laundry, grocery shopping, sleeping, being annoyed we weren’t doing more, and feeling generally quite irritated with ourselves and each other for ruining the day.  Instead, we laughed a lot.  We fell in love a little more. 

            I’m not suggesting that this recipe of live music and walking around is prescriptive or right for everyone.  It may not even be right for us on a different day.  What worked, as far as I can tell, was that we were both able to let go a little.  Let go of our anxiety.  Let go of being right or getting our way.  Let go of our routines and responsibilities, and surrender to the gods of love, all of whom, I’m pretty sure, want us to be happy, lighter, free.  You know, the way it feels to fall in love.